The Depths of Ren Gill’s “Hi Ren”
I recently stumbled upon “Ren’s music, “Hi Ren” on TikTok. From there, I dove into the rabbit hole of Ren Gill’s music.
Ren Gill isn’t your typical musician. He’s not just stringing together chords and catchy hooks—he’s pulling back the curtain on his mind and inviting us into the mess. “Hi Ren” is one of those tracks that sticks with you, not just because of its sound, but because of its honesty. Ren’s not just telling a story; he’s living it, and he’s letting you in on the ride.
Who is Ren Gill?
Ren Gill, hailing from Brighton, England, is a guy who wears his heart on his sleeve.
Ren has battled health challenges for years, dealing with autoimmune issues, illness, and psychosis. In the video for “Hi Ren,” he talks openly about being misdiagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder before finally getting the correct diagnosis of Lyme disease in Belgium.
His music isn’t just about filling up airtime; it’s about sharing his journey—warts and all. With a blend of indie, folk, and spoken word, Ren’s style is raw and unfiltered, much like a candid conversation with a close friend. You won’t find any pretentiousness here, just real talk wrapped up in some seriously good tunes.
Ren’s music is like that perfectly worn-in jacket—it’s comfortable, familiar, yet distinct. He keeps things simple, often just a guitar and his voice, but don’t let that fool you. The simplicity is intentional, drawing you in so that you focus on what really matters: the words. His lyrics hit hard, not because they’re fancy, but because they’re real. Ren doesn’t dress up his struggles in metaphors; he lays them out as they are.
Introducing “Hi Ren”
“Hi Ren” is where Ren truly bares it all. The song is less of a performance and more of a personal dialogue—a confrontation between two sides of his mind. It’s intense, to say the least. The track is a rollercoaster of emotions, with Ren flipping between vulnerability and aggression, self-doubt and defiance. The structure is chaotic, mirroring the mental health struggles he’s grappling with. This isn’t just a song; it’s an experience.
Take a minute here and listen to the song right now if you haven’t. The lyrics provided by YouTube is not very accurate but I’ve included a copy of it below:
Lyrics for Hi Ren
Hi there Ren, it’s been a little while, did you miss me?
You thought you’d buried me, didn’t you? Risky
‘Cause I always come back, deep down, you know that
Deep down, you know I’m always in the periphery
Ren, aren’t you pleased to see me?
It’s been weeks since we spoke bro, I know you need me
You’re the sheep, I’m the shepherd, not your place to lead me
Not your place to be biting off the hand that feeds me
Hi Ren, I’ve been taking some time to be distant
I’ve been taking some time to be still
I’ve been taking some time to be by myself
Since my therapist told me I’m ill
And I’ve been making some progress lately
And I’ve learnt some new coping skills
So I haven’t really needed you much, man
I think we need to just step back and chill
Ren, you sound more insane than I do
You think that those doctors are really there to guide you?
You’ve been through this a million times
Your civilian mind is so perfect at always being lied to
Okay, take another pill boy
Drown yourself in the sound of white noise
Follow this ten-step program, rejoice
All your problems will be gone! Fuckin’ dumb boy
Nah, mate, this time it’s different, man, trust me
I feel like things might be falling in place
And my music’s been kinda doing bits too
Like I actually might do something great
And when I’m gone, maybe I’ll be remembered
For doing something special with myself
That’s why I don’t think that we should talk, man
‘Cause when you’re with me, it never seems to help
You think that you can amputate me?
I am you, you are me, you are I, I am we
We are one, split in two that makes one, so you see
You got to kill you if you wanna kill me
I’m not left over dinner, I’m not scraps on the side
Oh, your music is thriving? Delusional guy
Where’s your top ten hit? Where’s your interview with Oprah?
Where are your Grammies, Ren? Nowhere!
Yeah but, my music’s not commercial like that
I never chased numbers, statistics or stats
I never write hooks for the radio, they never even play me
So why would I concern myself with that?
But my music is really connecting
And the people who find it, respect it
And for me, that’s enough ’cause this life’s been tough
So it gives me a purpose I can rest in
Man, you sound so pretentious
Ren, your music is so self-centred
No one wants to hear another song about
How much you hate yourself, trust me
You should be so lucky, having me inside you to guide you
Remind you to manage expectations
Provide you perspective, that thing you neglected, I get it
You wanna be a big deal, next Jimi Hendrix? Forget it
Man, it’s not like that
Man it’s just like that, I’m inside you, you twat
No, it’s not man, you’re wrong, when I write, I belong
Let me break the fourth wall by acknowledging this song
Ren sits down, has a stroke of genius
He wants to write a song that was not done previous
A battle with his subconscious, Eminem did it
Played on guitar, Plan B did it
Man, you’re not original, you criminal, rip-off artist
The pinnacle of your success is stealing other people’s material
Ren, mate, we’ve heard it all before
Uh, “she sells seashells on the sea shore”
Fuck you, I don’t need you, I don’t need to hear this
‘Cause I’m fine by myself, I’ma genius
And I will be great, and I will make waves
And I’ll shake up the whole world beneath us
That’s right, speak your truth, your fuckin’ God complex leaks out of you
It’s refreshing to actually hear you say it instead of downplay it
“Ugh, music Is all about the creative process and if people can find
Something to relate to within that, then that’s just a bonus”
Fuck you, I’ma fuckin’ kill you, Ren
Well fuckin’ kill me then, let’s fuckin’ have you Ren
I’m a do it, watch me prove it, who are you to doubt my music?
‘Cause I call the shots. I choose if you die
Yeah, I call the shots, and so I who choose who survives
I’ll tie you up in knots when I’ll lock you inside
News flash
I was created at the dawn of creation
I am temptation, I am the snake in Eden
I am the reason for treason, beheading all Kings
I am sin with no rhyme or reason
Sun of the morning, Lucifer, antichrist
Father of lies, Mestophilies
Truth in a blender, deceitful pretender
The banished avenger, the righteous surrender
When standing in-front of my solar eclipse
My name it is stitched to your lips, so, you see
I won’t bow to the will of a mortal, feeble and normal
You wanna kill me? I’m eternal, immortal
I live in every decision that catalysed chaos
That causes division
I live inside death, the beginning of ends
I am you, you are me, I am you, Ren
Hi Ren, I’ve been taking some time to be distant
I’ve been taking some time to be still
I’ve been taking some time to be by myself
And I’ve spent half my life ill
But just as sure as the tide starts turning
Just as sure as the night has dawn
Just as sure as rainfall soon runs dry
When you stand in an eye of the storm
I was made to be tested and twisted
I was made to be broken and beat
I was made by His hand, it’s all part of His plan
That I stand on my own two feet
And you know me, my will is eternal
And you know me, you’ve met me before
Face to with a beast, I will rise from the east
And I’ll settle on the ocean floor
And I go by many names also
Some people know me as “hope”
Some people know me as the voice that you hear
When you loosen the noose on the rope
And you know how I know how I know that I’ll prosper?
‘Cause I stand here beside you today
I have stood in the flames that cremated my brain
And I didn’t once flinch or shake
So cower at the man I’ve become, when I sing from the top of my lungs
That I won’t retire, I’ll stand in your fire, inspire the weak to be strong
And when I am gone, I will rise, in the music that I left behind
Ferocious persistent, immortal like you, we’re a coin with two different sides
[Monologue]
When I was 17 years old, I shouted out into an empty room
Into a blank canvas, that I would defeat the forces of evil
And for the next 10 years of my life, I suffered the consequences
With autoimmunity, illness, and psychosis
As I got older, I realised that there were no real winners
And there were no real losers in physiological warfare
But there were victims and there were students
It wasn’t David versus Goliath, it was a pendulum
Eternally swayin’ from the dark to the light
And the more intensely that the light shone, the darker the shadow it cast
It was never really a battle for me to win, it was an eternal dance
And like a dance, the more rigid I became, the harder it got
The more I cursed my clumsy footsteps, the more I struggled
So I got older and I learned to relax
And I learned to soften and that dance got easier
It is this eternal dance that separates human beings
From angels, from demons, from gods
And I must not forget, we must not forget
That we are human beings
Listening to “Hi Ren” is like eavesdropping on a deeply personal argument. There’s Ren, trying to keep it together, and then there’s this darker, more cynical voice tearing him down at every turn. It’s a back-and-forth that feels all too real, especially if you’ve ever had your own battles with mental health. Ren doesn’t sugarcoat it—the lyrics are raw, painful, and brutally honest. You can almost feel the tension in every word.
The song tackles some heavy themes. The struggle for identity is front and center—who am I, really, when my mind is constantly pulling me in different directions? But it’s not just about identity; it’s about fear, self-doubt, and the relentless quest for acceptance. Ren digs into these issues with a kind of brutal honesty that’s rare in music. It’s uncomfortable at times, but that’s the point—mental health isn’t a neat, tidy package.
Exploring the Themes in “Hi Ren”
Ren doesn’t just sing about Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID); he lives it through his music. DID is a condition where multiple distinct identities live within one person, and “Hi Ren” brings this to life. The song’s dialogue isn’t just a creative choice; it’s a reflection of the chaos that comes with DID. Ren’s lyrics offer a glimpse into this world, showing us the constant push and pull between different sides of himself.
Psychosis is another key theme in “Hi Ren,” and Ren captures it perfectly through the song’s disjointed structure. Psychosis is all about losing touch with reality, and the erratic shifts in tone and pace throughout the song mirror this experience. One minute, the lyrics are clear and direct; the next, they’re spiraling into confusion. It’s unsettling, but that’s the point—Ren wants you to feel the disorientation that comes with psychosis.
At its core, “Hi Ren” is about a battle—a battle between conflicting identities within the same mind. The darker voice is relentless, always ready to tear down the more vulnerable side of Ren. This isn’t just a narrative device; it’s a reflection of the real struggles people with DID and other mental health conditions face daily. The fight for control, the fear of losing oneself—it’s all there, laid bare for the listener to confront.
Musical Composition, Artistic Vision and Impact
Musically, “Hi Ren” is a minimalist masterpiece. Ren doesn’t need a full band or elaborate production to make an impact. A simple guitar, his voice, and some haunting harmonies are all he needs to create an atmosphere that’s both intimate and unsettling. The music shifts in tone and tempo just like the lyrics, enhancing the sense of chaos and confusion that runs through the song. It’s this simplicity that makes the track so powerful—you’re not distracted by anything other than Ren’s message.
The song is a perfect example of Ren’s artistic vision. He’s not interested in making music that’s easy to listen to or that fits neatly into a genre. Ren’s music is about telling stories that matter, stories that aren’t always comfortable but are necessary. He uses his art to explore the complexities of the human mind, shining a light on the parts of ourselves that we often keep hidden.
For many, “Hi Ren” isn’t just a song—it’s a lifeline. The honesty and vulnerability in Ren’s lyrics resonate deeply with those who have struggled with mental health issues. The song’s depiction of internal conflict is both relatable and validating, providing a sense of connection for listeners who might feel isolated in their struggles. It’s a powerful reminder that they’re not alone, that someone out there understands what they’re going through.
Societal Perceptions of Mental Health
“Hi Ren” isn’t just a personal narrative; it’s a challenge to how society views mental health. Ren’s portrayal of conditions like DID and psychosis is both empathetic and unflinching, forcing listeners to confront the reality of these disorders. The song pushes back against the stigma that so often surrounds mental illness, encouraging a more compassionate and nuanced understanding of those who live with these conditions.
Through his music, Ren Gill is making a significant impact on mental health awareness. By sharing his struggles so openly, he’s helping to break down the barriers that often prevent people from talking about their own mental health. “Hi Ren” is a perfect example of how art can be a tool for advocacy, giving a voice to those who might not have one and sparking conversations that need to be had.
Conclusion
“Hi Ren” isn’t just a song; it’s a journey into the depths of the human mind. Through his raw, unfiltered lyrics, Ren Gill offers us a glimpse into the chaos of mental illness, shining a light on the struggles that so many people face in silence. It’s a powerful, unsettling, and ultimately important piece of music that challenges us to think differently about mental health, and about the people who live with these conditions every day.